Hope

According to Wikipedia, Hope is defined as a belief  in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. In a religious context, it is not considered as a physical emotion but as a spiritual grace.
Hope is a beautiful and crazy concept. I love Hope. I believe in Hope. Hope keeps me going, even though I already know the answer I am seeking. Hope is my friend in a sometimes lonely world. In uncertainty, I am always certain of Hope.

I woke up yesterday morning and was feeling 'crampy'. So, on our way to the fertility clinic, I sort of knew what the outcome of my bloodwork was going to be. But I brought Hope with me. So silly. Later that afternoon, with a confirmed, negative pregnancy result, I threw Hope out the window. I bought a big bottle of wine and put our Christmas tree up. I feel so sad. I feel so angry. I feel so betrayed by my body.

Guess what? I woke up this morning only to find Hope waiting for me at my door. She always comes back!