Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Infertility dedication

Dear infertility,

I think about you often. So much so, I have found the perfect song for our relationship. This is my dedication to you.


Sunday, June 26, 2011

Reality is...

We made an appointment with our RE. We are currently not cycling, but need to discuss further treatment, plans and my endometriosis that is freaking me out. I feel it getting worse. And I'm scared. I know another surgery will be in my future. What scares me is how much worse it actually is.

I'm going to post my endo story another time, but until then...

Google, My Love and I have been talking and thinking, searching and discussing. And even though I wrote this post about our revised plans, we have revised our revised plans...hence the RE appointment.

No more wasting time, money and energy on IUI's.

Reality is...IVF.

There. I said it.

A bit of relief to put it out there.

A lot of tears to admit it.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Dear Father's Day

Dear Father's Day,

I'm sorry that I made a promise I couldn't keep. I know I said you would have a wonderful father to join in the celebration this year, but I was wrong. We did everything we could between last year and this year, but nothing worked. No miracle happened.

It wasn't for the lack of trying, it just didn't happen. I don't know why. Do you?

I know My Love will be an amazing daddy and I know he so desperately wants to be one. He is a good man. While I am falling apart he is trying to pick up the pieces. He thinks I don't know he is hurting, but I do. He thinks I can't see the sadness in his eyes, but I can. He thinks he has to be strong ALL THE TIME, but he doesn't.

So please father's day, embrace My Love with the confidence and hope that he will be a wonderful father some day and remind him that I love him with everything that I am. And let him know that there is a baby somewhere in this universe waiting to say 'happy father's day' to him.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Some funny business

I haven't really spoken much about it. Probably because I feel I complain so much about everything else. But since this is my safe place, I might as well.

For the pass few months there has been some funny business going on in my body. I'm not talking about the usual endometriosis type of funny business, I mean something new.

I've been experiencing numbness, tingling and weakness with both my arms, hands and feet. I also get random tingling that happens in the middle of my back. Strange right? And not so funny.

At first I thought it was all in my head (well, My Love sometimes calls me a hypochondriac), but once the funny business kept occurring more frequently, I knew it was time to check it out.

I've seen a neurologist, who has since arranged for a nerve conduction test. This will happen in July.

I'm nervous about it (no pun intended).

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

About Love

I've been thinking lately about many of my previous posts. It is clear that I am pretty down in the dumps. Sad. Lost.

What is not clear to the world and possibly the people in my world, is how fortunate I am to have the people I have in my life. How thankful I am for them. How much I love them.

And even though I tend to be a bit of a 'keep to myself' kinda gal, there are people who have come to realize this and love me anyway. I call these people true friends. Thank you true friends.

And even though I may be a little very emotional, a bit snappy and appear uninterested, there is someone who loves me unconditionally. I call him My Love. Thank you My Love.

And even though I may talk and ramble about the same things while not making any sense and appear withdrawn, there are ladies that will always be on my side and listen. I call them my sisters and my mom. Thank you sisters and mom.

So even though I seem a bit lot like Eeyore and his cloud


I haven't forgotten how blessed, fortunate, lucky I truly am.
I am surrounded by love. And doesn't love conquer all?