Saturday, March 31, 2012

Then there were 3

Tomorrow is our embryo transfer day.

We now have 3 embryos left that have made it thus far.

The 'quality' or 'grade' has yet to be determined (well it's determined, I just don't know what they are right now).

It's all surreal.

I will keep you posted.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Our experience

Tuesday was quite the day. It was somewhat of a blur! On our way to the clinic, about to park the car, My Love got a stupid ticket. We made a left turn to follow the large P sign and didn't realize there was a time restriction on that turn. Blah. I feel pretty bad because I wasn't a very good look out passenger, just a very follicle filled, nervous one.

Anyway, once we arrived it took no time at all to get registered and change and prepped. There was another couple just ahead of us, this was their fourth IVF and their first resulted in a daughter.

Just before we were about to go in, my doctor came to see me. She laughed at me because apparently I had, "I'm freaking out" all of my face. Lucky for her I have a great sense of humour because her laughing almost warranted a punch in the face.

I went pee one last time before the procedure and then the nurse brought me into the room. My Love was already there with the doctor and 4 others, nurses and ultrasound tech. Once on the bed before I knew it, it was scoot down, spread 'em and spotlight (My Love got a kick out of the massive spotlight on my va jay jay). The doctor was ready and I hadn't even got my pain meds or my sedative. The timing was off on that for sure because I felt everything AND I'm pretty sure the dosage sucked because it didn't last.

During the procedure, we watched as the fluid was aspirated out of each follicle, at this point is the egg detaches from the follicle wall and is sucked out of the ovary. It was pretty amazing to be able to see the process. Science and medicine are a beautiful thing.

My recovery wasn't too bad. I was pretty sore though and received a lovely pain killer injection afterwards. Once we got home, I cuddled on the couch with my blanket and pillow, while trying to watch Ellen.

Our embryo transfer day is scheduled for Sunday.

As of today this is our embryo progress report...

Tuesday - we retrieved 7 eggs
Wednesday - of our 7 eggs, 5 were mature & 5 fertilized.
Thursday - of our 5 embryos, 1 embryo has stopped growing. We now have 4 embryos.

Hang in there my little embryos!


Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Egg retrieval day

Today is egg retrieval day.

That's all.

I'll fill you in later on how everything went.

I can barely make a sentence right now, I am so nervous & anxious & emotional.

Friday, March 23, 2012

A day in the life

So here we are on day 8 and I am ready to get this show on the road. I am sore, bloated and moody. Sure, maybe that doesn't sound any different than normal BUT multiply that by a million...and the moody party by a trillion.

Trying to keep the positive vibes flowing, while being injected with concentrated levels of hormones is not my idea of fun. And once again I am reminded how infertility sucks ass.

On a lighter note, as much as infertility does suck ass I cannot deny it does not disappoint in the life lessons area. One (of quite a few) that keeps showing face is patience. And wow are my patience being tried. I suppose they have been for about 4 years now.

A day in the life of an IVF  or any cycle monitored visit...

Each time I need to travel to the clinic I awake early enough to beat the traffic. Usually. I rush to get ready and leave so my almost hour commute isn't an almost 2 hour commute. It usually works out for me. Once I am there, I sign in and I wait to have my blood work done. Then, I sign in and I wait to have my ultrasound done (that's where I meet up with my boyfriend again, "Mr.Wand"). Then I wait for the nurse, we go into her office and discuss my ultrasound results.
Finally I leave. The waiting continues until the blood results are in and that's when the nurse will call me. She will then give me the go ahead as planned with the dosage or give me different directions for the evening and tell me when to return.

Then I do it all again...
That's just the beginning of our  HURRY UP & WAIT GAME.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Day 5

Here we are, Day 5 on our IVF chart. The injections aren't too bad. It helps that the needles aren't that big. My Love has been giving them to me, which I totally prefer and I think he does too. It's his way of being physically involved as much as he can and I haven't had the nerve yet to stick myself.

On our day 1 we started off with 9 tiny follicles, a smaller cyst and as of yesterday we had 14 follicles and a still shrinking cyst. Yay! That's all I really know. I haven't asked for great details or if that's too much too soon or what the exact numbers are for my blood results. So far I haven't wanted to know. I figure the more I know the more obsessive I will become (shocking right?).  I will return to the clinic for ultrasound and blood work again. I'll ask for details tomorrow though.

This time last year we were heading into our last medicated IUI cycle. That was a tough cycle in every way. But this a completely different cycle that will end with a completely different result.

I hope.

It will.

I pray.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Here we go

I just took my first hormone injection. Well, I had to have My love give it to me.

Yup we are good to go and I can't believe it's about that time. Finally. I'm sort of at a loss for words right now and I cannot quite describe how I am feeling. Is that weird?

After almost 4 years of trying, here we are. At the door to a place I said I'd never go to.

But we are here and here we go.

And I'll never say never again.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Happy post #19

Happy post #19

Happiness is completion. It's finishing what you've started.

When I first thought of this, I was thinking more that I have completed my challenge of #19 happy posts. But the more I thought about it, completion really pertains to every part of life. Sure it may be a book you've started or a lingering project you keep meaning to get done, but it could also be an unresolved issue or feelings that you haven't dealt with. Or maybe a situation you may be avoiding. It may even be a life lesson you just haven't grasped yet.

It feels good to have closure or completion regardless of what it may be. See the experience, lesson, project, challenge that you started, for what it is. Complete it and move on. Learn from it and grow. Allow for your next experience or lesson to present itself and accept it. And in doing so, the clutter in your mind, heart and home will slowly dissolve. Now that's happiness.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Happy post#18

Happy post #18

Happiness is getting a good night sleep.

I usually wake up half way through the night, need to pee, get a sip of water, check the time, adjust the heat, steal the covers, fluff my pillow, count down the days to IVF, check that my alarm clock is set, think about what colour I'd like to paint the kitchen, losing 10 pounds, wanting to go on a vacation, think of baby names, wonder if we will have twins and, well you get the idea. But every now and again when I can turn my mind off (which I am getting better at) it is heavenly. Waking up so refreshed and well rested is truly priceless. Also, makes for a more content me.

I don't do naps though. Just not a big fan, no matter how tired I may be. My Love, on the other hand though, loves naps. I tell him naps are for whimps and babies.

Stupid bcp & Happy post #17

Holy crap. This stupid birth control pill is killing me. The side effects are ridiculous and have made me straight up evil. (I'm sorry My Love for snapping at you for the past couple weeks and I know it's not your fault Grey's Anatomy was a repeat AGAIN last night) Tomorrow I will take my last bcp. Amen to that. HOWEVER, in one week we will begin hormone injections. I am pretty sure those side effects will be a little more intense and probably more Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde -esque. Maybe. Probably. More than likely.

On the flip side, my happy posts have been serving their purpose. Helping me focus on happy thoughts. And with that...

Happy post #17

Happiness is contagious. It's true, here's proof. And don't you just feel better being around people who are happy, positive and smiling? I do. I feel lighter and more optimistic even.

So, who wouldn't want to be around people who will bring you up, not take you down with them. Just makes sense.

I say, find happy people and don't talk to grumps.

That's all.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Happy post #16

Happy post #16

Happiness is freedom.  It's all yours for the taking. It's a choice. Sometimes life sucks and being happy isn't "easy". It's a simple concept. Really.

My point is ...Happiness is in our nature. We all want it no matter where you come from. And we have the freedom to be happy. We are free to make changes, make better choices to become happier. To dream whatever it is we want to dream. To do or not to do anything or nothing at all. We have this freedom. Knowing and realizing that is powerful. To practice that is courageous.

the secret of happiness is freedom. And the secret of freedom courage.
-thucydides (471 bc-400 BC)

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Happy Post #15

Happy post # 15

Happiness is dancing. Just like the kind where no one's watching...or watching, who cares really. Dancing is so freeing. I love to dance. You feel so alive. And the best part is you don't even have to be good at it to enjoy it and have fun.

When I was growing up I took dance lessons. Years and years of tap and jazz. Tap was my favourite, I continued on longer with it. I loved wearing my tap shoes. All. The. Time. and mostly in the house on the hardwood floors. I ruined my parent's hardwood floors, but what can I say, I was a tap dancing machine and hardwood floors were my friend. So invigorating. I miss you tap shoes.

Hmmm, I wonder if I can find an adult tap classes to take.
What do ya think?

Happy post #14

Happy post #14

Happiness is love. Of course it is! I usually go on and on about how love will always save the day. And it does. Because when all else fails...there is only love.

I know, cheesy. But I'm just that sort of girl.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

A bit of 'whine' and happy post #13

I've been slacking on my Happy posts. I will do 19 of them,  just as I said I would challenge myself to. And a challenge it has been.

Even though I've been crazy busy, I'd be lying if I said that was the main reason for my slackness. I'm having a difficult time coming up with more happy posts. I mean, it really shouldn't be so hard. But it sort of is. And I feel horrible about it. I feel like I'm ungrateful for the amazing things I have in my life. I do have so much to be happy about. But the shitty things are really shitty. I guess. But not really, really.

Maybe the stupid birth control pill I'm on isn't helping my mood and hormones (it didn't agree with me in the past and it's not now). That's my excuse.

I sound like a brat. Really? I totally sound like a suck. Don't you think?

Suck it up buttercup. Tomorrow is another day.

Happiness the eye of the beholder.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Happy post #11 & #12

Although we've had a pretty mild winter, I am soooo ready for spring. Springtime brings on freshness, flowers and what else?...SPRING CLEANING! Which I love to do.

It's the time where everyone starts to get rid of things from clothes to furniture. The closets, basements and garages get organized and purged, which only leads to...drum roll please...GARAGE SALES!

That is why #11 & #12 go hand in hand.


Happiness is cleaning. I know sounds weird but it feels so good! To clean, organize, get rid of stuff. Ahhh I just love it.


Happiness is finding someone else's trash that you can treasure. Garage sales. Yard sales. Upcycling. Making something old new again. I better sharpen up my best price negotiating skills.

Cleaning our space, having our garage sale and then going to other garage sales = FUN.

Or counter productive is what My Love likes to call it. But he's not a big fan of other peoples "junk".

AND I know what you are thinking..."she is quite the life of the party".

Friday, March 2, 2012

Update and happy post #10

Update on the cycle front...

-cyst is getting smaller (thank you birth control pills)
-had my sonohysterogram...good looking uterus (well, thank you doc), but lining is a bit thick
-injection lessons ...not so bad. The needles were not as big as I thought they may be

Our next visit to the clinic, March 15th, will be the deciding visit on whether we move forward as planned. As long as the cyst is going away and blood work is fine, injections will begin on March 16th.

We are so close.


Happiness is being thankful. Having gratitude for all that I have. I have the best family in the world, amazing friends, a wonderful husband. I am grateful for this beautiful country we live in, having a bed to sleep in, a car to drive, and the sun that rises daily.

Each day I am grateful for something new. And each day something new always presents itself.