Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Happy post #9


Happiness is...reality television. Yeah, that's right. I said it. I'm a reality t.v. junkie. And tonight one of my favourite shows are on. Survivor. Ohh ya, ohh ya! Don't you love the challenges? Jeff Probst? And the way the game makes people go all crraazzyy?? I would suck on the show. Probably be voted off first.

I also love The Amazing Race. And if Canadians would be allowed to on that show, My Love and I would be all over it!

What reality shows do you love?

Acupuncture and Happy post #8

My acupuncture appointment was interesting. The doctor was nice, very traditional, as in the 'traditional Chinese medicine' sense. The office wasn't fancy, quite basic with jars and jars of medicine and herbs behind the counter. I'm not sure what I was expecting (a spa-like treatment would've been nice). My consultation didn't take very long. Doc hmmm'ed and hahh'ed and his English wasn't the best, but I understood. After my first session was over, I still had questions. He didn't really explain what 'deficiencies' he thought I had or where the imbalances were. And that's what I wanted to know ( I mean seriously, what was I going to go home and tell Dr.Google if I had no clue)!

So, before I left I asked and asked and asked. And he told and told and told.

He told me where the deficiencies were. He also told me if he had 6 months with me, he felt maybe IVF may not have been necessary, that he would've prescribe traditional Chinese meds and herbs as well as acupuncture (he cannot not now because of IVF meds). And before I could freak out inside, he looked me in the eye and reassured me by saying..."but it's ok. It's still good because my acupuncture will help your IVF get you a baby".

And with that, I booked my next appointment and went on my way. As I walked to the car, I felt great. Everything inside me felt 'open'. I could breath so deeply. It was an awesome feeling. I'm hooked.


Happiness is believing. It's believing that I am doing the best with what I've got. It's believing that I am exactly where I am suppose to be. It's believing that everything is going to be the way it is meant to be...and happiness is believing... his acupucture will help my IVF get me a baby .

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Happy post #7

I meant to post this last night as my #7...sheesh, my daily post challenge is tough. Anyway, here it is...

I finally found an acupuncturist that I feel comfortable enough with to book my consult and begin treatments. I must have gone to 5 different places in the pass week and none gave me the right vibe. You know that feeling you get when it just feels right. He answered all my questions with confidence and asurrance. My appointment is booked for tomorrow today. Yippee!!!! All my puzzle pieces are coming together.


Happiness is the feeling of empowerment. It's making a well educated decision or going with a well felt intuition, however you wish to describe it. It's the decision to support and choose your self. It's listening to that inner voice and that distinct gut vibe.
Throughout all these infertility years, I have learned (with much help, of course) that I cannot control everything...or anything for that matter. I realize there is a time and place for everything. And when that time and place comes, I will know that I did everything right, for me.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Happy post #5 & #6

I seemed to have missed posting my happy posts #5 and #6, on Saturday and Sunday. Oops! I suppose I was just soooo busy being happy. 

It was a super busy weekend. Saturday I worked and Sunday was all about our bathroom renovation.

So, I am going to cheat a bit and do a double happy post.


Happiness is spending time with the one you love. Which is exactly what I did this weekend. After work on Saturday, My Love and I made dinner together and chatted (my favourite during our dinner prep). Then we cuddled (well, it was My Love's version of cuddling, not mine, but I'll take it) up on the couch and watched (ok, My Love watched, I fell asleep on his shoulder) a movie. Don't you just love it? So cozy.

Then the happiness continued on Sunday, when we finalized our bathroom colour, made a trip to The Home Depot and returned home where the transforming of our bathroom began. That totally makes me happy!

Hope you had a wonderful weekend spending time with the ones you love!

Friday, February 24, 2012

Happy post #4

I have a day off work today. A day I will spend catching up on some blogs, trying a new recipe, and of course laundry. I did plan to head out to do some running around (which always includes hitting up my fav store Homesense) but it's also a snow day here in my neck of the woods. Not sure if I'll head out, I'm a wimp in this weather.


Happiness is having a stay in your pajama's, new recipe trying, figure out what colour to paint your bathroom, listening to a new meditation cd, amazon shopping sort of day.

ahhh, this is the life.

Peace out.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Happy post #3

The scent and vibe of a new season approaching gets me excited -that's what it felt like today. And each season brings it's own lovliness. I feel like it's always a great time to start something new or maybe make some changes or simply try again, re evaluate.


Happiness is being able to start fresh...your way. It's knowing when to call it a day. To allow yourself to choose your next adventure when it's time to do so.
This may not sound like happiness to some, or may not even make sense. But since struggling with infertility for almost 4 years and what feels like putting our lives on hold too,  this makes a whole lot of sense to me. Do you get what I'm saying?

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Happy Post #2

Music makes my heart sing. Especially when I hear that perfect song at that perfect moment.
I did this morning, while driving to our clinic.


Happiness is a song. It's the words in a song you can feel in your heart. It's the beat of the music that soothes your soul.

And this song was my happiness this morning...listen to it...hear the words...feel the'll see why.

(ok, warm and fuzzy with a side of happy tears)

And so it begins

First of all, what do I really know about IVF cycles. In my mind the birth control pill was 28 days, but everything is different in the world of IVF. Therefore, after receiving my timeline chart I need to amend my 28 day happiness challenge. I don't start the pill 'til tomorrow but, I'll still count yesterday as day 1 and continue 'til I stop the pill. It is now a 19 day happiness challenge (happy post #2 will follow).

So let me begin by saying this cycle has started off with a bang. Yesterday, I was all pixie dust and fairy tales and today back to reality. I almost  forgot the roller coaster ride that comes with cycling, but I was quickly reminded today. I can already see it. This cycle is going to be very interesting (and that's the best word I could come up with while attempting to stay on the positive train).

For today, CD 2 found a 3.8 cm cyst on my left ovary. I'm pretty sure I had that there presurgery. So why was it not removed during surgery. I'm confused. OR is it possible this is a new cyst that has grown since? But it's only been 3 1/2  weeks post surgery.

Moving on. I received my timeline chart/plan for our cycle and was told I'd get a call if anything was up with my blood work. If no call, just follow the chart. Easy peasy. On my way out I asked if the results of My Love's sperm chromatin test results were in. I was told no. Alright then, on my way.

It was not even 10 minutes and I received a call from the nurse. She told me there was a misunderstanding in their office and My Love's sperm was never sent to the proper lab for that type of analysis (which is different than the other semen analysis' he's completed). So, another sample will be needed asap. Needless to say, My Love was not happy.

Again moving on. About an hour after that call, I received another one. It was about my blood work. Turns out my prolactin hormone level is too high and I need medication for that immediately. Off to the pharmacy I went. The ironic thing is, and after having a mini consult with Dr. Google, it's screaming me...symptoms, pituitary gland, and everything else from that link. The med for this I will be taking is called bromocriptine . The side effects all sound a bit scary...except for the increased libido...I could totally use some of that. And where was this pill during our other cycles?!

 Quite the day, eh?

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

She's heeerre


Cycle day 1.

I will be going tomorrow morning to have baseline blood work done, ultrasound and we'll take it from there (I'm not really sure what else). I will also start the birth control pill (as long as blood work says I really am cd 1).

Crap my heart is racing. We are actually doing this. It's on....count down to IVF. 

In an attempt to stay focused (or distracted) and make the next 28 birth control pill days go by super fast, I am giving myself a challenge. A 28 day happiness challenge. Daily posts of happy things.

So, if this is going to be CD 1...


Starting a brand new cycle.

In the beginning of a new cycle hope is renewed and positivity is flowing. That feeling of "this is it", "this is the cycle" takes over. It's a good vibe. I'll accept it.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Yoga dvd

I am on the hunt for a good yoga dvd. I realize there are so many different types so I am unsure on what to try first. I've been to few classes in the past...that's all.

Does anyone have any suggestions?
What yoga dvds do you own?

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Valentine's day

Happy Valentine's Day world.

I've never really been a big fan of Valentine's day. I know, strange coming from someone who believes love will cure the world. I suppose it's the thought of all that energy being spent for just one day, when using even a bit of that energy throughout the year makes for a much better relationship. Make sense?

It's a really good thing that I do feel this way...because My Love is soooooo Anti-Valentine's day. Believing that a good pair of running shoes are way more romantic practical than a dozen roses and money better spent. I agree.
However, don't get me wrong please, I'm still in love with love... always. And even more so in love with the 'day after Valentine's day' chocolate sales.

And just for fun... Here's some surprising facts about Valentine's day (my favourite being that the month of March and pregnancy tests go hand in hand).

Hope you have a LOVE-ly day.

Sam Cooke - Cupid

Monday, February 13, 2012

Tiny angel

Just stumbled upon this blog. And there I read the most beautiful story. It's a story that is traditionally told at this school to each child on their birthday about how they came to the earth.

"The story goes that a tiny angel up in heaven looks down onto the Earth and longs to be a part of all that is going on. That angel then goes on a journey to the stars who give the gift of the colour of their hair. Then to the moon who gives the colour of their eyes. Finally they leave their wings behind for safe keeping and head out across the rainbow bridge, which brings them down to the Earth. When they reach the end of the bridge there is a family waiting to meet them and welcome them and to give the greatest gift of all. The gift of their name."

One day I will tell that very story...

But until then my tiny angel, I'll be waiting for you at the end of the rainbow bridge. 

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

News flash


I have changed my heading.

So instead of ... the good. the bad. the infertile.
it is now...the good. the bad. the road to IVF.

I figured maybe I'm looking at this all wrong. I'm not infertile. Just fertility challenged (thank you endometriosis). Everything that has happened, or has not happened has lead me here, on this road to IVF.

And this is where I am. And this is where I am meant to be. And while I am here, I will do my best to accept and embrace what is. Because what this is, is my life. I may not be able to change some aspects of  my life, but I can change the way I see it. I wouldn't have chosen this route, but I was given this way and I wouldn't change it now (ok maybe I would change it so I win the lottery).

I have learned things that I may never have learned if it wasn't for this road. I have felt emotions that words cannot describe. I truly appreciate the little things more, like Sunday morning's sleep in, the crisp, fresh feel of fall and I always hold that welcoming hug from my beautiful niece just a bit longer.

Kind, gentle words matter. Thoughtfulness and gratitude will always bring me back to reality. My Sunday visits with my family are priceless. Love is the most important thing.

I'm learning to have an open heart. Always. With everything that life throws at me I need to see it through the eyes of Love. That's not easy. Not easy at all. I'm trying.

Then there's a whole blogging world out there that I have discovered because of this road to IVF. And I LOVE IT. A place to vent and feel safe. A place to read other stories. It's a not so lonely place. There are fellow bloggers who support and comment (please keep them coming, I love them) and who follow me (and please follow me...who doesn't love to see their number of followers grow, it's a wonderful feeling to know others are reading my story too). And I adore, support and follow right back.

So, where was I going with this....

Oh right, I've changed my heading. And maybe I'm looking at this all wrong...

because all these defining moments lead to the road to IVF.

Friday, February 3, 2012

What stress?

So typical. So easily frazzled I can get.

Wednesday was a big appointment day at the clinic. And as usual, my not so graceful self, had My Love and I believing this psychologist appointment was a pass or fail test ... a "check this box if the infertiles are also crazies" type meeting.

Not so much either. It was a rather refreshing little chat. The psych doc asked us questions and gave us scenarios. We each took turns answering and I must admit I quite enjoyed hearing the answers from My Love. It just reminded me of that solid foundation we have...even as opposite as we may be sometimes. I needed that reminder.

The IVF protocol appointment wasn't that either.  It was more a pre-IVF protocol appointment. The actual appointment is still to come.

Clearly a newbie to the IVF club.

We have a plan in place. And I have never wanted Aunt Flo to arrive as much as I do now. (GET HERE ALREADY BITCH!!). Because as soon as she gets here, I am going on the birth control pill.  Just for one cycle. And then it will all begin.

Injections. Hormones. Hope.


The doctor said this will be one of the most difficult and trying things we will ever do and the main thing is to KEEP STRESS LEVEL DOWN. I think back to all my IUI cycles. I was a freak. It was not pretty. 

I am so thankful for the many fertility blogs I follow. And the new ones I often stumble upon. Makes everything not so lonely and scary.

So...any suggestions on this whole stress level business? What sort of things did you do to pass the very slow IVF time?