It's been a while since my last post. And in all honesty, I'm having a tough time writing lately.
What's been happening emotionally is I can feel myself going through the grieving stages. Don't get me wrong, I am doing pretty well, and I have learned and am embracing how freakin' strong I truly am. However, I wouldn't be true to myself though, if I didn't feel and express what I needed to, which are lately anger and blame. Not a lot, but just enough to need to vent.
The blame, well, I still feel somewhat responsible for my miscarriage, like I did something wrong. I know it doesn't make sense but, I have come to learn that it is normal to feel this way. When my dad died, I was 12 years old and blamed myself too. It took me well into my adult years and my stubborn head to get that it was cancer not me.
The anger though is kind of a funny one. I'm angry, obviously about the miscarriage itself, but I am also angry with some family and friends. Ok, maybe disappointed or hurt is a better word. I don't really know how I expected others to take this news, but what I am so surprised at is how others have responded OR lack there of.
I understand everyone is busy, that everyone has their own life and their own families to worry about. I also get that infertility makes people uncomfortable and sometimes you may not know what to say. Not asking for pity, but you can ask how we're doing? You can acknowledge, that I was pregnant and then I wasn't and that it sucks. You can even email me or text me. It's that easy.
Yes, I realize I cannot control others and I shouldn't expect anything, ever and that I am not truly be angry at them, just angry.
Truth be told infertility and miscarriage can be a lonely place.
HOWEVER...Like I said earlier, I am doing well. Just needed to vent is all. And now that I have, I feel better.