What a lovely spring day. The sun is shining. The air is fresh. And I feel broken.
My heart feels so heavy. Lately I've had the 'what if' blues. You know, what if we never get pregnant? what if our next cycle fails? What if we can't afford IVF? What if we should try another fertility clinic? What if I stay this sad forever?
As like anyone else struggling with infertility, I often go back and forth between my 'I am full of hope' days and my 'I am so angry/sad/resentful' days. It comes and goes, although lately it just comes. I have a lot of other crap going on in my life right now that, if you can even believe, has to come before anything fertility. Which doesn't help my heavy heart.
BUT as I have said before, I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason...and there's always a reason. I believe this now more than ever because I just need to believe.